


Fear is the Heart of Love

by saltygiraffe4406



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 90's time setting, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lack of Communication, M/M, One Shot, Peer Pressure, Period-Typical Homophobia, Small Towns, Sort Of, anyway, based loosely off two characters and a song, louis talk to harry please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:55:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25564726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltygiraffe4406/pseuds/saltygiraffe4406
Summary: It was quiet in the closet and for the first time in a while Harry actually felt uncomfortable and almost awkward with Louis. And Harry didn't like this at all.So, in the hopes to ease the strange wall the was forming between them, Harry took one quick moment to go over in front of Louis, place his hands on Louis' hips, and lean in to kiss his him.Harry felt more than heard the gasp that Louis let out. Louis continued kissing him back for a moment, before abruptly pulling away."We shouldn't be doing this, Haz." Louis told him."Why?" Harry questioned. "It's not like we haven't done it before." Harry tried to lean back in again and was about to join their lips, when the door was suddenly opened.Or, Harry and Louis try to make it work in a small town in the 90’s seemingly filled with homophobia
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Fear is the Heart of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all! I'm really excited to be posting and feel pretty content with the final outcome. This is based a bit of of the characters from Little Fires Everywhere, which is an amazing show that I would highly recommend. Also, the title is from the song I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie. Make sure you read all the tags as there is a lot of homophobia and general homophobic language as well as some not so great parents. If any of that is triggering, I would skip this one. Remember to stay safe!  
> Anyways I hope you are all doing well!  
> Without further ado,
> 
> Enjoy!

"Do we have to go?" Harry whined, tugging at Louis' arm.

Louis rolled his eyes and huffed out a laugh. "Yes, Haz! We only have two years left of school and we're only in the middle of the social chain. We need to work our way up."

"I don't get what the big deal is, though." Harry looked up at Louis. "I mean, when did this stuff become important to you?"

"Because," Louis started. "I want to do what other people do."

Harry stopped walking, so Louis turned around. He let out a sigh, before meeting Harry's gaze. "We only have two years left, H. I just want to have some fun and do stupid teenager stuff with friends."

Harry let out a small smile, then continued walking along the sidewalk. "Thank you. I just wanted to know why."

Louis smiled back at him. "Good. And I know you're a little nervous, but Zayn and Liam will be there, too." 

Louis laughed, and continued following the sidewalk until they turned onto the street Jason's house was on. Harry could hear the faint sound of music coming from inside and only hoped he wouldn't have to walk home in the dark. He turned to see Louis smiling at him, though, and decided he had to trust that.

"Louis!" A blonde head called out. Then, said blonde was pulling Louis in to pat his back. Harry felt a spike of jealousy go through his chest, but quickly thrummed it down. Chad was Louis' friend and was simply greeting him like friends did. 

"Hey man, happy to be here." Louis told him as they pulled away. 

"Yea, bro, same to you!" Chad smiled, showing off his pearly whites. "I was able to grab some stuff from my dad's cabinets and brought it with me here to Jason's!"

Louis laughed back with him, but Harry frowned. He didn't like to drink all that much, and he knew Louis never drank. So why was Louis so happy about it?

Chad nodded again, before turning his head to see Harry. "Hey, Harry, nice to see you again."

Harry smiled politely back at him. "And you."

That had seemed to be enough to Chad because he told Louis where the drinks were before heading off to talk to some other people. Once Chad had left, Louis turned back to Harry with a big grin on his face. "Isn't this great, Harry? This is gonna be so much fun!"

Harry didn't really see what the big deal was, but Louis was clearly happy and Harry didn't want to be the one to ruin it, so he simply said nothing. Louis didn't seem to catch on, however, as he was soon dragging him to the kitchen, where they found Liam and Zayn.

"Guys!" Louis cheered upon entry. Liam of course gave them a big smile, while Zayn nodded, taking another drag from the joint in his hand.

"Hey, Lou! Haz!" Liam said as they got closer. "Do you guys want anything to drink?"

"Yea," Louis nodded. "I'm pretty fuckin' thirsty. Me and 'arry walked here."

Liam laughed at them, but went over to the fridge.

Before Liam could ask what exactly they wanted, Jason Holmes walked in, followed by a small group of friends. Jason was the star player of the football team and easily the most popular person in their year. Harry didn't really know the guy all that well, but one time he had overheard another girl in his class tell her friends how he practically blackmailed her into having sex, so Harry wasn't exactly fond of the guy.

Beside him, however, Louis seemed to melt at the presence of the other boy. Harry didn't really get it, but Louis had always cared about popularity in a way Harry never did. Especially lately, Louis seemed more fixated on being popular than anything else, even grades. Harry didn't mind as much, so long as he had Louis.

Zayn continued smoking his joint, seemingly uncaring about Jason. Harry admired Zayn's ability to be cool without ever doing anything. He just _was_ cool. By the fridge, Liam appeared aware of Jason, but was definitely the best at keeping it cool, even when he was nervous.

"So, um, what kind of soda do you want Lou?" Liam called, from behind the door of the fridge. Harry was pretty sure Jason laughed at that, but really Harry didn't care.

Louis cleared his throat before answering. "Could you grab me some of whatever Chad grabbed from his dad's place."

Shocked, Harry turned to Louis. Liam and Zayn also seemed surprised for they were looking at him with raised eyebrows. Harry couldn't really believe what he was hearing. Louis _never_ drank. Harry didn't know all the details, but what he had heard Louis talk about his alcoholic biological father and it was enough to make _Harry_ never drink.

Harry was about to inquire Louis on this new habit, but before he said anything, Jason was talking first. "Damn, Tomlinson, I didn't know you were cool enough to drink." 

Louis turned to him and smirked. "I mean, who doesn't like to have some fun." He shrugged, then, like it was nothing and accepted the cup-of _alcohol_ -from a bewildered looking Liam.

Jason nodded at him, before grabbing a drink for himself. "Respect, man." 

Louis brought the cup up to his lips, but Harry reached out a hand and wrapped it around his wrist. "Lou!"

"What?" Louis asked. Like Harry was the one acting weird.

"You don't drink! Why are you doing this?" Harry asked, tugging at Louis' wrist to bring the drink away.

Louis rolled his eyes at him, though, and shrugged his hand off. "I'm not a baby, Harry. And don't act like you know everything about me." And with that, Louis brought the drink to his lips and took a long sip. He made a sour face, but quickly replaced it with a smile.

"Don't worry, buddy," Jason told Harry. "One day when you're older, you'll understand." He laughed along with his group of friends as they left to go back into the main room.

Once they left, it was just the four of them and Harry could feel the tension in the room.

Liam, ever the diplomat, was the first to break the silence. "Um, Harry, did you still want anything to drink?" Harry shot a look at Louis, who was avoiding eye contact and looking down at his drink, before he turned back to Liam.

"I'm not that thirsty, actually."

It was only about an hour into this dreaded party, but all Harry wanted to do was leave. Louis had at least had the decency to apologize for being rude earlier, but he hadn't put the cup down and had been going around the room, occasionally sipping his drink. Harry couldn't understand why Louis was acting like this and all he wanted to do was go home. But he had promised Louis to try, so Harry figured he would stay at least another thirty minutes before trying to leave. At the moment he was bored, but at least not alone. Zayn had stuck by him most of the night, smoking most of the time. Most of the other people didn't seem to mind, in fact there was a few other people smoking, too. 

As Harry was really starting to loose faith in the small party, one of the girls sat next to Jason spoke up. "Hey, let's play spin the bottle!" After some grumbling, it appeared everyone came to agreement and started making a circle around the room. Harry really didn't want to play, but it looked like the only person not participating was Zayn. And Zayn didn't really count. 

Zayn gave him an encouraging nod. So, Harry made his way over to sit next to Liam and his new girlfriend, that Harry didn't really know yet. They both gave him friendly smiles when he sat next to them, though, so Harry figured she must be alright. Looking across, he could see Louis sitting with Chad, some random guy, and Stacy. The school's resident witch. Or, at least, in Harry's mind.

"Okay," the same girl who started this spoke, "When it's your turn you spin the bottle and have to go in the closet with whoever it lands on for five minutes." She motioned to the closet behind her, before setting a green bottle made of glass in the middle of the circle.

As the 'honorary host' Jason went first, and ended up with Stacy. Harry figured it would make sense for those two to be together. After that, Harry mostly tuned it out, just listening in case it was him or Louis.

When four more people had gone, Jason gave a sly smile, before meeting eyes with Harry. Harry immediately tensed up and was silently hoping Jason wouldn't have him go.

"Harry, who don't you go?" Jason called out. Harry didn't want to be rude, though, so he gave a closed lipped smile, before moving towards the center of the circle. He wrapped his hand around and gave it a spin. He could feel himself sweating and he was way too nervous to look at anyone. He watched the bottle until it started getting slower and finally came to a stop. With a bated breath, Harry looked up only to find-

Louis. Of course it was Louis.

He looked confused for a second and everyone was quiet. Harry Looked up at Jason, though, and quirked an eyebrow. "Shall I spin again, then, or...?" He trailed off, waiting to hear an answer.

Jason shrugged before looking to the girl who started it. "No," she said. "The rules are the rules."

So, with that, Harry stood up and slowly made his was to the closet. Noise started up again and Harry could hear faint murmurs and laughter, but there was still awkward tension hanging in the air.

Harry hadn't paid attention to see if Louis was following, but when he turned around, he saw Louis was also already in the closet with him. The girl laughed at them before closing the door.

It was quiet in the closet and for the first time in a while Harry actually felt uncomfortable and almost awkward with Louis. And Harry didn't like this at all. 

So, in the hopes to ease the strange wall the was forming between them, Harry took one quick moment to go over in front of Louis, place his hands on Louis' hips, and lean in to kiss his him.

Harry felt more than heard the gasp that Louis let out. Louis continued kissing him back for a moment, before abruptly pulling away.

"We shouldn't be doing this, Haz." Louis told him.

"Why?" Harry questioned. "It's not like we haven't done it before." Harry tried to lean back in again and was about to join their lips, when the door was suddenly opened. 

Harry felt his blood run cold and nerves spike through them. He was slowly starting to back away and was scrambling for something to say, but Louis went first.

"Get the fuck off me!" Louis yelled, pushing at Harry's chest. "Fucking perv!" Louis got up and made his way out.

Harry could only stare after him in shock. He couldn't believe Louis had really just said that. He felt like he was dreaming and this wasn't real. _Couldn't be real_. 

But then everyone was laughing and calling him gross and a perv and disgusting and wrong and a fa-

Harry jumped out and pushed past the laughing faces. He thought he was crying as he burst out the door and started speed walking down the street. But he wasn't paying attention. All he could think about was Louis.

_Louis. Louis. Louis._

Louis had betrayed him in the worst way possible. He had left Harry to deal with this alone.

He was faintly aware of the fact that he was walking the way back to his house. He looked up and saw the moon in the sky. Surrounded only by dim stars, so far away from it. Harry had never felt more like the moon. An outsider. Different. Alone. 

But then it hit Harry that it was dark. And he started crying harder now, turning into full out sobbing.

Harry was walking home alone in the dark, with no company but the pale crescent moon peering down at his walk of shame.

If Louis had one wish in the world it would be for him and Harry to get out of the town they lived in and go live alone on an island. Or maybe not an island. Someplace with television. And good food, of course. 

The point being, he so desperately wished they could get out someplace, together. And now Louis' gone and fucked up any chance of that happening. He knew when he saw the shock on Harry's face that dreaded night.

And the anger everyday since then. 

Louis had at least had some hope, that he could fix this. But he didn't know how. It had been almost two months since the night Louis ruined everything. And nothing had gotten better. He felt so lonely. Which was wickedly ironic, considering he had more friends now than he ever had before. Ever since the party, he had been hanging around Jason and all of his friends. Of which there was many. But none of them really new him. Not like Harry had.

Zayn and Liam were his best friends, but he felt distant from even then. They were still mad at Louis for what he had done. Louis was grateful they were still talking to him at all, though, which is more than he could say for Harry. Sweet, innocent, lovely Harry. Harry who no one talked to anymore. News about the party had spread like wildfire and people had pretty much stopped talking to Harry. Louis had seen him talking with his sister, though and he thought he had seen Harry outside when Zayn was smoking, but that's it.

Louis felt horrible, really. He knew it was his fault Harry was dealing with this all on his own. But Louis had seen what Harry was going through. The stares behind his back. Pictures stuffed into his locker. Hushed insults. _Loud_ insults.

Harry had handled it all well, considering. He was would walk past the stares, throw out the embarrassing pictures, ignore the harsh words. Louis was proud of him. He knew that if the positions were reversed, Louis would be a mess. That was the twisted part of Louis' brain that told him it was better Harry was going through this alone because then only one person felt the pain. But Louis knew what he did was wrong and cowardly. And yet, he never did anything about it, either.

He continued to play along, content with his new circle of friends and ignoring Harry. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to talk to Harry and apologize. In private, of course. But Louis couldn't even do that. 

Until, Niall Horan moved to their shitty little town late into the year. 

When some new foreign kid moved to their high school, people didn't really know what to expect. But they didn't have to do much, as Niall was extremely social and seemed to be able to hold a conversation with almost anybody. So, the first week there, he made his way through the school talking to anyone and everyone. People seemed to like him, too, even going so far as to ignore his strange accent. He had even won over Jason by day three. Louis was positive that he would be the next popular kid.

Except Louis was wrong. Kind of.

Niall had been going to their school for a little over a month and he still talked with everyone. Except the person he seemed to spend the most time talking to was Harry. Louis had been sure that after Niall had been seen around school talking to Harry, that it would be the end of Niall's popularity. But somehow, Niall got on so well with everyone that people were able to look past the fact that he was friends with Harry. 

So, Niall would spend a little bit of time with everyone and all the while spend a lot of time with Harry. After two week, Louis had gotten really fed up with the burning feeling he would get in his chest whenever he saw Niall. So he eventually admit to himself that he may have been jealous of the boy. By now, Louis was willing to admit he hated him. It's just that Niall had everything Louis so desperately wanted. He could be himself while still being popular and he was close to Harry. And if Louis' heart just about broke every time he caught Niall laughing at one of Harry's stupid jokes then no one had to know.

It was going to be Winter Vacation in two weeks, though, and Louis was feeling so so _so_ lonely. So, he had made a plan to talk to Harry. Louis was going to wait a few days into break and then, when he saw Harry go into their tree house, Louis would follow. Louis was sure that Harry would go up into the tree house. When passing by the house, Louis still sometimes spotted Harry in their little wooded chamber up in the tree, either reading or napping or painting. 

Louis had drafted out an apology and he would stay until Harry forgave him. Louis just hoped Harry would still agree to see him in private after that. Because he knows he can't be seen with Harry in public anymore. Not when anyone could see and it could get back to his brother. Not when it could somehow get back to his stepfather. Not when Louis knows what his stepfather would do if he found out his son was a fucking queer.

That night, after he had come back from Niall's house and had gotten off the phone with Zayn, Harry sat on the bench of his window, staring outside. He heard his baby sister start crying, but then felt relief when he heard his other sister go in to comfort him. Then he felt guilty about feeling relieved. But he looked back outside and all of that disappeared again. He sat there and stared outside at the tree house.

Today was Louis' birthday and he felt so guilty. He didn't even wish him a happy birthday. It wasn't really his fault as they were no longer talking, but he still felt like shit about it. So he sat in his window watching the tree house that held so many memories, willing himself to stay away. It was Louis' fault they weren't talking, so it really shouldn't be his fault if they weren't talking on this day. Going into the tree house felt like Harry was giving in. 

Except Harry was really never strong enough to avoid Louis.

That's how Harry found himself trudging through the thin sheet of snow in the yard and making his way to the base of the tree. He took a deep breath, before hauling himself up with the rickety ladder that was surely too old and torn to be able to hold Harry's weight anymore. This was quickly proved true when, after hauling three feet up with the ladder, Harry fell flat on his bum. He thought he heard the distinct sound of laughter when he fell, but he didn't see anything when he looked around and played it off as a trick of his mind. So, he used the branches the next time and was able to makes his way into the great wooden chamber that Harry once called home. It really wasn't anything special; it was just four pieces of wood that made a box. But Harry and Louis had somehow turned it into castles and forts and far away lands when they were young.

When Harry got in, he realized how pointless this was, but didn't want to go back just yet, so he sat himself down on the old floor and pulled his scarf tighter around his neck. He closed his eyes relishing in the silence, before he was interrupted by the sound of swearing and the tree swaying.

He was instantly on guard, ready to fight whoever had dared come into his place of hideout, when a flash of tousled brown hair popped up. Harry relaxed, but was quickly confused as the boy finally made his way into the tree house. They caught eyes, though, and for a moment stared at each other.

Harry was first to breaks the silence. "Why are you here?" he asked, quite blunt. But really, why was Louis here? They hadn't talked in months, not since _the incident_ and now Louis was just here? In _their_ tree house.

There was a tense pause before Louis spoke, voice soft and strained, obviously nervous. "Well, I, erm, came to talk to you, actually."

Harry raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. Because _really?_ "Oh you just wanted to 'talk' after the months of radio silence?" Harry could see Louis look away and visibly flinch at that, but Harry ignored it because this time _Harry_ was right and _Louis_ had messed up. "What did you want to talk about then? You fucking up our relationship? Or maybe making me the sole laughing stock of the school?"

Louis bit his lip, but he looked up and met Harry's gaze. "I understand you might be a little angry, bu-"

"A _little angry?_ Try very angry!" 

"Look, Haz-"

"NO!" Harry shouted back. Louis blinked at him, in shock. He didn't often yell and Harry had _never_ raised his voice at Louis before. But he didn't care. "You do not get to call me that. Not anymore."

Louis took a shaky breath and nodded. "Okay, yea alright, I get that." Another long breath, that when he let out Harry was faintly able to see in the cold even past their wooden house. "I came to apologize, actually."

At that, Harry was taken aback. "Apologize?" 

"Yea," Louis nodded. "I know what I did was shitty. Like really _really_ shitty. But I guess that night was just, like...a lot. And I didn't really know how to process that, so I freaked and pinned it on you. I'm so sorry, Harry. I know how hard this has been for you."

"No, you don't," Harry but in. "You don't know what it's like, Louis. I've been the laughing stock of that whole fucking school! Do you know how much shit I've heard about me? How many stupid crude pictures of men I find in my locker? No, you don't! Because while I have been miserable and alone, you've been surrounded with people. So many people! You haven't been the school's poster gay boy!" Harry had raised his voice and he was breathing heavy by the end. Louis looked at him, eyes glassy and looking like he might cry. "You don't understand." Harry whispered, voice cracking at the end. Harry lowered his eyes to the ground, waiting for a response.

Louis swallowed thickly. "I'm sorry, Harry. So sorry. I can't take back what I've done, but i'm so sorry you've had to deal with that. Really sorry."

"Then why did you do it?"

"What?" Louis snapped his neck up to Harry.

"If you're sorry, then why did you do it in the first place?"

"I told you," Louis began. "It was a spur of the moment thing."

"What about after? You could have come to me after so we could do this together."

"I..." Louis trailed off. But it didn't matter. Harry knew there was nothing Louis could say to that to make it okay. "It would have been hard, I guess."

Harry lets out a scoff. He can't believe this. "This has been hard on me, too. You know my mom's perfect expectations of me. She doesn't even know that I've ruined her whole plan. That I'm so social outcast who's failing three classes!"

Louis furrowed his eyebrows and bit his lip. "You're failing?"

Harry nodded, swallowing around the lump in his throat. Harry had been spending so much time wallowing in his despair about Louis, that he had begun to abandon his school work. And his poor mom that was riding on her ideal version of Harry-the one that was popular and going off to some big university-would soon find out he wasn't so perfect anymore. As soon as the school sent home report cards, he knew his facade of the months so far would be over. Harry wasn't sure how she would ever get over it.

"I thought it was supposed to be the opposite." When Harry looked up with a confused tilt, Louis continued. "Like you're grades do poor when you fall in love and are in a relationship. Not after."

Harry knew there was a point to whatever Louis just said, but he was fixated on that one phrase, that one special word. And before he could control himself he was repeating it aloud. "Love." It was just a whisper, but it meant so much, so different that there was a shift in the air with a new kind of tension. There was something almost bittersweet about it.

Louis took a deep breath, but looked Harry right in the eyes. "I love you, Harry." Harry could see his eyes glistening from trying not to cry and figured he looked about the same.

Nevertheless, Harry looked back at those blue eyes. "I love you, too, Louis." He saw the glimmer of hope flash through his eyes and a smile start to tug the corners of his mouth and Harry continued. "But iy doesn't matter." Louis' face fell, instantly, showing the effect Harry's words had on him. Harry looked away, no longer able to keep up the look. He tucked his head down, close to his chest and felt two tears roll down his face. "Please go."

"But, Harry..." Louis' voice cracked, but he didn't say anything else .And that told it all to Harry. That Louis didn't have anything else to say. That Louis wouldn't fight to love him the way Harry would do for the other boy.

"Please, just go." Harry's voice cracked on the last word, but they seemed to have the desired affect, for after a moment, Harry heard the sounds of shoes against wood, felt the shake of the tree house.

When Harry finally looked up, Louis was gone.

"Come on, Lou, I love you and all, but what did you expect?" Zayn took another drag from the cigarette. Liam was sitting there staring at Louis with a face full of pity. But Louis didn't want their pity.

"I thought he would at least give me more of a chance." Louis knew he was whinging too much and being ridiculous, but he also didn't really care.

"Listen, Louis," Liam began. "We don't exactly know everything about you guys an-"

"We _weren't_ together like that, okay! It wa-"

"Louis! We don't know and we don't mind." Liam paused, looking at Louis. And okay fine, they might not care much, but he had tell them that anyway. "I'm just saying, what happened really hurt him, so he's probably fragile and on edge right now."

"He is." Zayn chimed in, the only one that still talked to Harry. No one would dare to bother question Zayn about who he talked to, so he was able to easily get away with it. Louis was completely jealous of this fact, but has yet to comment on it. Liam wasn't that cool, he was more in a similar predicament as Louis.

"See, so, he's still upset and it's often hard to think past your feelings when you're that upset. Do you know what I mean?" Liam paused to gave Louis time to answer. Louis didn't really get it, though, so he just shook his head. Zayn let out a loud sigh and Liam just looked sad. 

"Louis, let me put it bluntly," Zayn was talking, so Louis figured blunt really meant the obvious truth that will make you look stupid. "Harry's really going through a hard time right now so he isn't acting like he normally would. This is a lot he has to get ov-"

"What about me?" Louis shouted, losing any semblance of calm he had left. "I miss him, too! He's not the only one who lost something here!" The boys were staring at him like _he_ was the crazy one, but Louis didn't fucking care. He was having a hard time in all of this. He felt incredibly guilty and he missed Harry so much. Why couldn't they understand that he was having a rough time, too?

"Louis, just stop, alright." He turned his head to see Zayn glaring at him. "I know you haven't exactly been okay, but have a little sympathy. Harry's life turned around completely. One moment he was having a fun, happy time, the next he's alone and miserable." At that, Louis did feel bad. He wasn't having the greatest go of it, but he knew it could be worse. He saw it happening to Harry. "Besides, with his mom seeing his report card and his sister telling about what's been going on at school, he's not exactly happy at home."

"Ellie told his mom? Why would she do that?" Louis asked. He always thought Harry's younger sister was alright, if a little annoying. He couldn't believe she would out him to their mom. Especially considering she knows their mom.

"Well, I guess she didn't tell her everything." Liam explained. "Like Ellie didn't know why everyone's been bullying him or what it meant exactly. She mostly just told her the small details, but their mom figured the rest of it out, I suppose." Louis figured that made a lot more sense than Ellie completely outing Harry. He still felt bad about it all. 

"Jenny wasn't happy about finding out that Harry's moved to the bottom of the food chain." To anyone else Zayn might have sounded indifferent, but Louis could hear the undertone of worry and anger underneath. In fact, Louis felt that himself. Jenny was a woman that craved perfection; she had married a young man right out of college and they settled down, ending up with their five children family. They had a literal white picket fence in their year. Either way, she made herself seem perfect to everyone. Louis himself had only seen what she could really be like on the rare occasion.

Harry was the oldest of his siblings, followed by Ellie who was a year younger, then his young twin brothers after that, and lastly his little baby sister. Jenny had a lot of expectations for her children, but as the oldest Harry had it the worst. Louis remembered how Jenny expected Harry to be perfect with the perfect friends and perfect grades. When Harry made the occasional mistake, as teenagers did, Louis had seen how quickly Jenny could be mean. She had never harmed them, but she could be _so mean._ Harry had assured Louis that Jenny wasn't always like that and Louis had believed him as Harry wasn't one for lying. But it had made Louis have a lot more sympathy when Harry had turned down doing something fun that could get them in trouble and instead would stay with Harry doing boring things like homework or bowling. 

That was probably why Louis had been so surprised when Harry first kissed him. That was the most rebellious Harry had ever been. But then Louis ruined it all.

Louis stayed around another thirty minutes chatting to Liam and Zayn, eventually moving off the topic of Harry. When he was walking back home that night, his mind wandered to Harry. In a split second decision, Louis found himself taking the long way to get home that brought himself past the Styles' house. He saw the car that Harry's father drove to work everyday parked in the driveway. Louis had met Harry's father and had thought he was a good man. He was kind and listened to Harry when he talked. He was usually busy with work, but when he wasn't he was overall a decent man and good father. Louis had even been jealous about it. Then he had met Harry's mother.

Next to it was his mother's car. She didn't really work. Or maybe she did? Louis didn't really know what she did during the day. Louis didn't really know what his purpose walking here was-maybe get Harry to at least say hello. Then he turned his head and saw a yellow bike in the grass that Louis knew none of the Styles' children owned. He craned his neck up the house to the second story window next to the oak tree, where Harry's room was situated. The curtain was pulled back, but the blonde head made Louis' heart drop and his feet to start moving forward. Curse that fucking Niall Horan.

Louis continued mostly thinking about Harry as he walked. Upon getting closer to his house, Louis' mind began to wander. He was silently praying his brother would be out with friends and his father was working late that night. That way it could just be Louis and his mother. He loved his mother, he truly did. She was a wonderful person and had always been patient with him. He just didn't understand why she would marry someone so bad. Alright, Todd wasn't that bad, but still. He was very annoying and so was his son. Louis wasn't biologically related to Todd or his son, Jerry, but his mom had married when Louis was only a toddler, so he had known them almost his whole life. Somehow that hadn't made them better. There was nothing too horrible about them, either, they were just too loud and too opinionated. Todd especially. It wasn't like Louis could say anything and disagree with him, though, so he was just stuck with this unsolved resentment toward him. He knew they were better than his actual father from the few stories his mother had told. He was an alcoholic mess of a man. Louis figured his mom just didn't have very good taste in men.

When Louis turned onto his street and saw Todd's missing car and Jerry's missing bike, Louis felt a smile go over his face. It would just be him and his mother. Maybe Louis could cook tonight.

"Nialllll, please. I'm being serious." Harry was whining at Niall, while the other boy continued to laugh hysterically. 

"Okay, okay." Niall started when he had calmed down enough to talk. He was still wiping tears out of his eyes, so it wasn't exactly the sight of sincerity Harry had been hoping for, but he figured it was better than nothing. "I'm calm now."

Harry rolled his eyes at his friends, but still showed off a small smile, ensuring it was all in good nature. "Anyway, I wanted to ask your advice on something."

Niall nodded his head, feeling the change to a serious topic. "What's up?"

"Well, you know Louis?"

"The fucker that left you, yeah, I know."

"Niall," Harry groaned.

"Yes, yes, I'm listening."

Harry huffed out a sigh, but continued. "Over the break he met up with me. And he, well, he apologized."

Niall shot up from where he was laying on Harry's bed with his eyebrows raised comically high. Harry looked back from his seat on the floor. " Over break, a month ago mind you, he apologized? Like with the word sorry?"

"Yes, with the word sorry. And he was saying how bad he felt. Except I got a little carried away with my anger and I kinda snapped at him, so he sort of just left." As Harry was explaining to Niall, he thought, not for the first time, about how he should have at least given Louis more of a chance. He had been rally upset and hadn't been thinking clearly, but it still would have been nice to hear what he had to say. 

"Well, good for you on telling him how you felt." Niall gave him a proud nod and laid back on Harry's bed.

"Yea, but like what do I do now? Should I forget about? Or try to meet with him again and forgive him?" Harry was really at a crossroads. One part of him, the part of him that was still in love with Louis, was screaming at him to go jump into his arms and forgive him. The other part was warning him to leave it alone and that Louis would just break his heart again.

"I mean you shouldn't forgive him just like that, Harry. He really hurt you. If it was me, I would never go back. If you _really_ wanted to, I suppose you could hear him out." Niall was looking at him, worried eyes trained on his. Harry figured Niall was right, at least a little. After all, Niall saw how Harry had been. When he was feeling really low and just alone in general. Niall had seen that and had been there for him, so Harry could understand why he didn't like Louis. He attributed all of Harry's hurt to Louis.

But Niall hasn't seen Louis in the same way Harry had. Niall had never loved Louis.

Harry looked up at Niall with tired eyes. "I just really miss him, Ni. I miss him."

"Yea, Harry, I know that, but yo-"

_Tap, tap! Tap, tap! Tap, tap!_

The two boys startled, each snapping their heads to the window, where the sound was coming from. Upon seeing a strange shape in the tree right outside, Harry popped up from his spot on the floor and rushed over. He undid the lock and slid the window open, a gasp leaving him. Outside the window, Louis was on one of the branches of the tree. It was dark out and hard to see, but Harry knew it was him. He didn't really know what to do, so he just stepped back and waved a hand forward. Louis seemed to get the idea, though, because a moment later he was pulling himself through the window and into the room. When he was finally inside, Harry was startled by what he saw. Louis had tears running out and blood on his lip.

He wasn't looking at Harry, so he followed Louis' gaze to see Niall still on the bed staring at them with wide eyes. Louis let out a little hiccup and that was all it took for Harry to start moving. "Hey, Niall, I'll see you at school, yea?" 

"But what-"

"Tomorrow." Harry grit out, sending Niall a look. Niall flicked his eyes once more to Louis, who was now looking at the floor and wiping his lip, then back to Harry. After another tense moment, he nodded, grabbed his backpack from the ground, and left with the door closing behind him. 

With Niall gone, Harry turned back to look at Louis, who was now staring at him. Tear tracks were fresh on his face, the blood on his lip was drying, and his eyes were still glassy. Harry didn't exactly know what happened, but it was quite obvious Louis was upset. Harry was pretty sure he had only seen the other boy cry a small handful of times.

"Louis." He whispered it into the dim, the only light coming from Harry's bedside lamp. Looking at him like this, Harry felt his resolve crumble, face softening in that special way it only does for Louis, and he could practically feel his heart melt. "Oh, Louis." 

And then he was stepping forward, gathering Louis in his arms. Apparently that was all it took for Louis because he started letting out loud sobs. Harry guided them onto his bed, so they were in a sitting position. Louis was crying, making pained noises as he went. Harry sat there running his hand over Louis' back and another through his fringe, just holding him. Although they hadn't properly talked in a while, Harry still knew what Louis was like and knew how to comfort him.

When Louis finally seemed to settle down, Harry could feel where his shirt was wet with tears and snot, but he didn't care. All he could think about was what made Louis hurt this bad and how angry Harry was at them for hurting his boy. Louis leaned back a little, raising his hand to wipe away any lingering tears still on his face. He looked up at Harry through clumped eyelashes and red eyes. Harry thought he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

"Thank you, Harry." Louis croaked out, his voice still rough. Harry gave him a small smile and moved them around a little more, so they were laying down. Harry rolled on his side, discarding his wet and stained shirt for another that was next to the bed. When he turned back, Louis' eyelids were fluttering, showing how tired he was.

"Goodnight, Louis." He whispered, looking over. 

"I love you, Haz." 

And Harry knew he should have tensed up and felt weird. But all he could do was whisper back.

"I love you, Lou."

Louis had been in some awkward situations before. This was a lot different than any of those situations. He had come from Harry's house this morning after accidentally falling asleep. Harry had woken him up early so he could leave in time to stop at his house before school. Louis hadn't really wanted to go home all that much and had gone in through his window to change and grab his backpack. He felt bad about avoiding his mother, but he figured it was worth it and she would understand.

During the school day, Louis had been mostly sticking to Liam, not even paying much attention to his new 'friends'. They could probably all tell something was off because of how unusually quiet he was and Liam seemed to sense he was upset because he stayed close and quiet, just offering his silent support. Louis really appreciated Liam. Louis had been able to avoid his stepbrother and was thankful Jerry hadn't told everyone about him.

The strangest part of the day had to be Harry. Louis was so in tune with wherever Harry was during the day. He could certainly feel Harry's gaze on him, too. When Louis had finally gathered the courage to look back half way through second period, he was surprised to find the green eyes meeting his. Harry didn't look away and Louis only snapped off when Chad asked him a question. Louis felt his eyes on him still, but was too nervous to ever look back. By the time lunch began, all Louis wanted was too leave. He was beyond stressed, his nose still hurt, and he was exhausted. He didn't really have any choice so he just pushed through and stuck by Liam during lunch.

Louis was surprised when in the middle of Jason's story about some party, Niall came over and took the empty seat directly next to him. Niall was still popular and Jason paused his story to nod at Niall across the table. Niall, of course, smiled back and greeted the other lads, but his attention turned on Louis.

"You alright, Louis?" Niall asked, cocking his head at him.

"Yep," Louis gave a tight nod and small smile back. He swallowed dry, silently begging Niall not to say anything that would indicate he was at Harry's house last night. Niall seemed to get it, though, because he just smiled back and tuned in to Jason's story. Louis let out a relieved sigh, but was quickly seized with panic, when he saw Harry walking over to their table.

Harry continued on, but he wasn't looking at Louis. He was looking directly at Niall only and he stopped right in front of Niall. It grew quiet at the table as everyone watched Harry hand a folded up piece of paper to Niall and mumble something to quiet for even Louis to hear. He was about to leave when, of course, Jason had to speak up.

"Hey, Styles, are you trying to get a round two with Niall? It didn't work on Louis and it won't work on Niall." Jason taunted him. Louis felt his anger boil over him, but he didn't say anything, just kept his head down and watched it happen. He wished he wasn't such a coward.

Harry, being the angel he his, merely rolled his eyes and continue to turn around. Jason wouldn't let it up, though.

"Hey, bitch," He called. "I asked you a question!" Louis could see Harry's jaw clench and his hands turned to fist by his side, but he just started walking away. "This kid," Jason muttered shaking his head.

"See you later, fucking fag!" One of Jason's friends yelled out. Louis head snapped up, looking at the kid who yelled and looking at Jason. Beside him, Niall tensed up.

"Come on, guys, just leave him be." Niall tried, but Jason just scoffed and his friends laughed.

"What, are you also some queer?" Amelia, Jason's girlfriend asked, her eyebrow raised in challenge.

"No," he huffed. "It's just annoying. And bullying Harry isn't going to do any good." Louis, beyond everything in him, found himself _nodding along with Niall_. 

"It was last year," Louis said. "I don't really care anymore."

Everyone was looking at him and what did he just do? Did he really just do that? He could feel the sweat pouring from his body and all the eyes trained on him. Jason just rolled his eyes, mumbled 'whatever', and continued his story about the party.

Louis exhaled a light breath in him and when he glanced to the side, he saw Niall giving him a small smile. He looked up, though, because it wasn't Niall's smile he wanted. Louis swiveled his head around the cafeteria, but Harry seemed to have left. He felt something hit his thigh. When he looked he saw the paper Harry had give Niall. Louis opened it up to see a little note in Harry's neat sprawl.

**7:00 my house**

There was nothing else, so, he just slumped back into his seat, desperately waiting for the school day to be over so he could see Harry.

It was 9:00 and Harry was curled up under his duvet listening to the comforting music coming from his record player. A lot of the people in his class used a walkman, but Harry had always preferred a classic vinyl. So, Harry lay there listening to the nice hum of his music and thought about Louis. harry had pretty much given up on Louis coming to see him and was using this time to wallow in it. Although, Niall had told him about what Louis said at lunch after he had left and he couldn't help but feel proud. Louis had always been more unsure of their relationship and all he wanted was for Louis to feel happy and safe. But he knew he couldn't. Not when Louis crawled through his window crying with a bloody lip. Harry wasn't sure exactly what happened, but he knew he wasn't happy about it.

About halfway through his record, there was a knock on the door. Harry groaned, not in the mood to deal with his mom and her expectations, but he still called out a quiet "come in" towards the direction of the door. He heard the soft padding of feet on the carpet come close, shutting the door behind them.

“Hey, Harry,” He heard a raspy voice whisper. Harry sat up, tossing the covers off. They locked eyes and for a moment just stared, the tension obvious around them. Louis was the first to break it, moving to slip his shoes off and drop his bag on the floor. When he was done he stood up straight, eyes cast down, and playing with his fingers. 

So, really, Harry couldn’t help it when he started laughing. Louis looked up at him, with pinched eyebrows. 

”What’s so funny?” Louis asked, sounding a bit affronted by his reaction and demeanor.

”You just look so... awkward like that.” Harry answered him, his laugh calming leaving a lingering smile. Louis continued watching him with a ‘so what’ look on his face. “I’m not used to seeing you look like that, especially here with me.” There was another pause as Louis continued to stand there and fidget. Harry tolled his eyes. “Your so dim sometimes.”

Louis looked up at him, seemingly surprised Harry was joking with him. “What?”

”Geez, Louis, get your ass over here!” Harry huffed at him, letting out a small chuckle. The joke seemed to comfort Louis as he also let out a small smile and come over. He took a hesitant seat on the edge of the bed, but when he looked at Harry’s unimpressed face he rolled his eyes and plopped right up by Harry.

”So,” Harry began. “Are you ready to tell me about last night?”

Louis sucked in a sharp breath and released a shaky one, but he nodded all the same. “I suppose I should do that then.”

Harry gave him a small smile and talked quiet with his best gentle tone. “It’s okay, just take your time.”

Louis nodded again, took another deep breath, and opened his mouth to talk. “So, yesterday, when I got home it was pretty normal. My mom and Todd had the day off and Jerry was home, too. So, my mom cooked and we had a dinner. During dinner, Jerry, um, he, uh.” Louis took a pause and Harry reached out to lay his hand on top of Louis’. He looked up gratefully, letting slip a small smile and Harry squeezed his hand reassuringly.

Louis took another deep breath and let his shoulders down with it before he continued. “Jerry, I guess found out what happened at the party and he, um brought it up. At dinner. Right in front of my mom and Todd.” Harry was annoyed with Jerry for saying something and bringing it up in front of his mom and Todd. Louis’ mom had always loved Harry and had been kind to him. However, Todd has never been a big fan of Harry and mostly avoided talking to him. Harry has stayed for dinner a couple of times and had heard the rants the man could go on. He knew Todd wasn’t a big fan of the whole gay thing, so he could only imagine what he had said to Louis. 

”I’m sure you can imagine, but Todd wasn’t exactly happy with you. He went on and on about how he always knew something was off with you. And I got so mad, Harry. _So mad!_ So, I sorta spoke up. Against him.” Harry felt his heart flutter at the thought of Louis defending him, but he was also scared about what Todd has said back. Louis looked up at Harry and Harry met his gaze, nodding for him to go on. “He was really mad and started asking me if I had liked it or something. So, I looked at mom...and I just told him. I told him I was gay.” Louis’ voice cracked in the last word and a tear escaped from his glassy eyes. Harry lifted a hand and softly brushed it off.

”I know it’s hard.” Harry told him, smiling softly. “I am so proud of you for doing that. You’re so brave.”

Instantly, Louis was shaking his head. “I’m not brave.” He muttered with his head down. “You are.”

”Hey, now,” Harry lifted Louis’ head by the chin. “You _are_ brave. What you did takes a lot, Louis.”

Louis smiled back and cleared his throat. “Anyway, Todd went pretty crazy about it. He just kept yelling at me about how much of a disappointment I am. My mom tried to step in to stop him, but she wasn’t really having much luck. After a while I was getting really upset, so I just decided to leave. I just walked out of the room, but Jerry followed yelling more and trying to make me stay. That’s how I got the cut on lip. He hit me when he wasa doing all that. I was able to get out, though, and I could only think to come here.” More years has started falling out and Harry wiped them all way, until they stopped. “I’m sorry, Harry.”

Harry shook his head and moved to cup Louis’ face in both his hands. “Is this why?” Louis tried moving his face to look away, but Harry only tightened his hold. “Louis, is this why?”

”I’m sorry, Harry, I’m so sorry.” Louis pushed out, more tears leaking.

“Oh, sweetie.” Harry murmured and pulled him forward into a hug. “You’re perfect, Lou, just how you are.” They sat there like that for a little while, up until Harry’s record finally finished. Louis finally pulled back, looking up at Harry. Despite the dried tears on his cheeks, Harry couldn’t help himself. “You’re so beautiful.”

Louis let out a snort. “Thanks, Haz.” Another small moment of them staring at each other. And then they were kissing. It was soft and slow as they kept it gentle. Pulling away, the two were smiling at each other. They leaned back and cuddled together in the bed.

”What about you?” Louis asked, breaking the silence. 

”What do you mean?” 

“Zayn and Liam told me your mom found out some stuff?” He was speaking carefully, on guard. Harry let out a sigh.

”Yea, she found out about my poor grades and my lack of friends.” Harry took another pause, but thought it was a good time to tell him. “I told my dad.”

”You did?” 

”Mmhmm.” 

”Well,” Louis spoke low. “How did he take it?”

“Alright.” Harry shrugged. “I mean he just staid okay, asked if I was with anyone, and then acted like normal. So that was nice.”

Harry felt Louis’ mouth curl into a smile at his side. “That’s great, Harry.”

”He told my mom, though.”

“Oh.”

”Yea,” Harry laughed. “Oh.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Louis asked him. Harry smiled, happy Louis asked, but shook his head anyway.

”Not much to say, really. She’s just been weird and mean.” 

There was another pause as they took everything from the long night in.

”It’s late.”

”Goodnight, Lou.”

”Goodnight, Haz.”

Harry lay there in the dark, hoping he would say it.

”Hey, Haz?”

”Hmm?”

”I love you.”

Harry smiled and felt the love warm his body.

”I love you, too.”

Louis woke up that morning to the sound of Harry rustling around the room. He turned his head and watched as Harry was rifling through some bag on the floor with his back to Louis.

“Good morning!” Louis called out, his voice a little raspy from just waking up. Harry jumped, but turned to Louis with a smile anyway. He came forward and leaned down to kiss Louis.

”Good morning to you.”

”You’re happy.” Louis noted, tugging on one of Harry’s curls. Harry laughed and swat his hand away before standing up. 

”You want to do something that could be really good for us?” Harry asked with a smile lingering in his face. Naturally, Louis reached out to poke his dimple, which just made Harry laugh again.

”Okay, what’s this great thing?” 

”Let’s run away!”

”What?” Louis spluttered. “Are you crazy? We can’t leave!”

”Lou, don’t think about it! Just leave with me.” Harry said, excitement clear in his tone. Louis just continued to stare, not believing what he was hearing. “I already went and grabbed all the things you need from you house.”

”You went to my house?” 

”Yes, I told your mom and she gave us some money and sends her love.”

“My mom?”

“Yes, Louis, keep up!” Harry told him. “Niall, Liam, and Zayn all pitched in some money for us. I have everything packed and a bus ticket bought. Let’s go!”

Louis was still in shock and staring at Harry. “But this is crazy! Where will we go?”

”Somewhere cool.” Harry said, seemingly unbothered by leaving their lives behind. Although, Louis supposed that by now they didn’t have much left. Harry seemed to sense Louis’ hesitance. He grabbed his hands and leaned toward him. “Please, Lou, we love each other so let’s leave this shitty town. Together like we always wanted.”

Well how was Louis supposed to resist that? 

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction and not meant to be shared outside of this website.


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